Thailand

HIYA!

I'm categorizing this under Health and Medicine, and maybe you'll see why towards the end.

Today was the first day. My friend Pranom and I left BKK yesterday by bus and arrived in a city called Sa Kaeo. It's 50 kms (100 miles is 60 kms, so, you figure out the distance!) or so from the border with Cambodia. My visa expires on the 14th so I want to be at the border on the evening of the 13th so that we can go across the border on the morning of the 14th. If we want to stay all day in Cambodia, then we can.

Seeings as we can walk 20 kms in one day, easily, we are taking this slowly. It takes 10 to 15 minutes to walk one km so 50 kms can be done pretty easily in 2 days.

We arrived in Sa Kaeo yesterday about 4pm and found a temple pretty quickly. We stayed the night at this temple. Very nice. Wow. We stayed in the visitor's room. Call it a room, why not. Pretty big and nice for a temple room. No beds or anything, but very clean and plenty comfortable. Don't have to mess with mosquito nets as they have screens on the windows. The bathroom and shower are outside but that's to be expected. They are cleaner than most temples here in Thailand, but I still wouldn't call them "clean".

Slept fine last night. Woke up this morning about 4 to go to the morning chanting and meditation. Pranom didn't want to go. He enjoys reading the newspaper in the morning.

I sat in meditation for almost an hour while the monks chanted and did their own meditation for 15 minutes. Then back to the room to read the newspaper myself.

We headed to a nearby fresh market for some breakfast about 6:30 then back to the temple to eat it. We finished about 8 then left about 8:30.

Eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables. Plenty filling and gives lots of energy. I'm surprised a little that even Pranom is eating this way. At least he did today. I'm sure he won't last very long. I know him. We biked several days a couple of years ago and didn't last very long then either. He says he can but doesn't. Ah ... okay ... never mind.

I'm amazed that eating so little heavy food, and really not an awful lot of food in any way, for that matter, yet I don't get hungry easily. I don't know if it's the quality of the food or the fact that I'm walking so much and for some reason just don't feel hungry. Though I ate enough to get plenty full, it still surprises me that that's all I ate, and it was almost all raw. It's 7pm now and I haven't had dinner yet. I'm not hungry either. I know that I've got to be careful not to undereat. I'll give myself plenty of food but I'm really surprised that I eat so little yet have so much energy.

Not only today. A few weeks ago another friend and I were in Chiang Mai and walked lots and lots. Same thing then. Same way when I lived in the South. I could work and work all day on little food. But when I'm sedentary I just want to eat. If I feel weak then I'll know that I haven't been eating enough. But I intend to not feel weak. I'm pretty careful and don't like feeling weak and listless. I realize that I can get myself into a dangerous position too if I spend lots of energy but don't repelenish it with enough sleep and quality food.

Lastly I want to mention some things that happened today when Pranom and I relaxed and spoke. This is really the most important reason that I'm walking. The emotional stuff. The feelings that come up. Noticing them, really feeling them, then watching them fade away. And then see what replaces that feeling.

I forget what we talked about that brought this subject up, but he asked if he could talk directly. I told him that I prefered this and didn't really like indirect talk very much. He said that when I was living at Pathom Asoke (temple here in Thailand)some members of the community told him to stay away from me because I'm a selfish person. Right away that feeling of defensiveness came up. I always feel it in my chest. Whaddy mean selfish? But I listened to him speak about it. I asked him in what ways I was considered selfish. He mentioned a couple of things and I refuted them saying that this wasn't true. I was honest with him and I'm honest with you too. (I feel that the deepest, most important reason for the fourth precept of Buddhism - honesty, among other things - is to be honest with oneself. If we lie to ourselves how in hell are we ever going to get to the truth of existence? I've never discussed this idea with any monk or anyone who may have some insight into this but I feel confident in my understanding.)

It took a bit of talk and a bit of time before I let go of this defensiveness but I sure felt better when I did let it fade away. Maybe the talk actually prolonged the feeling! But I feel it's important to not just cover it up and "let it go". It won't really go away that way. It just gets beat down for a while. Supposedly, this way of looking at oneself will, over time, really clean this feeling away for good. This feeling of defensiveness regarding what people supposedly think of me.

He said that Pathom members'd told him that I get angry too easily. I know that I'm an irritable person but I've calmed down ALOT. I used to be an angry person. So to have calmed down to just irritable, to me, that's pretty good.

The other inside stuff that I want to mention regards Pranom. He's Thai so his English isn't like native speakers. Of course. He's 61 years old so his brain doesn't work like it once did. Yet just the same, communicating with him is sometimes so frustrating. I realize that I have hangups or, in Buddhist language, spiritual defilements / spiritual impurities regarding communicating with people. I get out of balance fairly easily. Upset when things don't go smoothly. But I've been working on this for years now. I've whittled it down to a more managable "thickness" but I've still got quite a stick left, I realize this. One of the reasons I've agreed to walk with Pranom is just for this reason. So I can be in the midst of this often. And in sometimes easily "unbalancing" situations. When you're tired, thirsty, hot, hungry, and whatever else, yet communication isn't going to my heart's content, well, this is the time to really bear down and get to work. Already, I've put in a pretty hard day's work. Yet we've had a pretty good time. I am honest with Pranom about my difficulty in dealing with our communication difficulties and he understands. I like openness and honesty.

They're shutting off the lights in this internet shop. I'm finished anyway. I'll write more of the same sort of thing I am sure. Also I expect to write about the more touristy / traveller sorts of things too, but I don't care to emphasize them.

Love to all of you and to everyone else while I'm at it, Troy.

HIYA!

My translation work for the temple is over so a friend and I are visiting another friend in Chiang Mai, a city in the north. We all know each other from the temple we all lived together at, called Phu Pha Fa Nam, several years ago. Good guys, I like 'em both.

The day my friend and I, his name is Somchai, left BKK, I walked from his house to the bus station. He would'a come with me but had some bad stomach problems. Took about 5 hours. It seems that it's about 20 kilometers away. I really enjoyed the walk. One, walking is just great. And two, this is the Thai New Year season. That means it's a three-day event. The Buddha said you get five benefits, personal, health benefits, from walking. I can see that I may very well realize them all during my trip if this past few days of lots of walking is any indication.

Since this is traditionally the hottest time of year, a custom was born to honor older people with water that you add a nice fragrance to. You pour a bit over their hand then show some respect. Very nice. Well, it's been twisted and distorted into something quite different. A real blast, almost litterally.

Out on the streets it's water fighting time. People toss water all over the place mostly aiming for each other. It's a fun time. Well, walking from Somchai's house to the bus station I got doused and splashed and bashed with enough water to bathe me and wash my clothes several times over. I showered and washed my clothes before leaving Somchai's house but that was ridiculous in hindsight. I slept like I've never slept before on a bus. Amazing.

That day Somchai felt like hiking up a mountain that is just by our other friend's house. His name is Woody. We left the house at 7am or so and got back about 6:30. Wow. What a walk that was. Forests are so beautiful. Never mind all the trash that littered the entire walk. For sure it's disgusting. How could people be so careless? Go to a forest for the beauty of it then litter it to sickness. Just the same, forests are majestic. Just look at the bark on a tree. Any tree. Zowie.

Took five hours to hike through the forest and make our way. Couldn't find a trail so we went along the water. At one point I slipped on the slippery rocks and fell a little skinning and bruising myself. Still hurts quite a lot when I strain it while walking. I haven't given it any rest either.

Then we walked most of the night around a part of the city. Got back after being on foot for about 18 hours.

Then this morning I came to the northernmost point in Thailand. Mae Sai city. On the border with Burma. There must be some people in the Burmese military government who see the viciousness of it all but it sure seems the majority do lots and lots of wicked things. Recently they moved their government headquarters to a remote city north of the former capital, Yangon (formerly Rangoon). According to the newspaper I read, the government officials didn't inform the population or even the government workers. Unbelievable. How on Earth...? Even more unbelievable (truly - I don't believe this one despite my feelings towards American governments) is that I heard the reason they moved the government headquarters is that they're afraid that the US is going to bomb the country. Just can't believe this one.

I have a lingering question that, for some reason, I never think to ask when I am in the presence of immigration officials. But why should I have to leave the country just to stay? My visa expired today so I came to the border, to leave the country, to come back in, to get another stamp in my passport, to stay another 30 days. So what's the purpose of it all? Well, the only thing I can see is that some people in the Thai government have that much more work to do. Oh, and I spent some money on transportation, food and water, and a place to stay the night.

That brings me up to the present.

HIYA!
I could call it a neat experience. It was. On April 16th I saw a physical therapist in front of the Santi Asoke temple in Bangkok. At first I just went in for a consultation regarding a couple of things. Turns out she's (she's a she) fairly attractive, I guess a bit younger than me, and likes to touch, it seems. As she explained things to me she kept hitting me gently on my arm, as if to emphasize a point.

She told me to come back later for an extended consultation because she had patients waiting. A consultation turned into some treatment. I've had some pain in my neck for some months now and would like to take care of this before I start walking. Plus a couple of other things.

Anyway, she pushed, twisted, tugged, pushed, and pulled. Like a chiropractor I guess but she insisted that she's not a chiropractor. She's a physical therapist. Oh.

The notable thing for me was the feelings that arose in me when this lady was doing all this work on me. No, that's normal. The notable, the interesting thing for me was my internal reactions and responses to all this. I noticed that I really enjoyed being pushed and twisted and everything by this lady. I mean, I enjoyed the sexual feelings that arose. I am pretty darned certain she felt something too judging from our banter back and forth. She said once or twice that she really enjoyed talking with me and I told her the same.

Most enjoyable for me was that I was completely okay with telling myself most of the time - between brief sexual fantasies - that this is not right for me. I didn't reject the feelings that arose but I just looked at them and felt them. Observed them. Okay, thatwas the neat part. Like watching a movie or something. Detached from it all yet not at all detached. It was me yet I was watching myself. And under these circumstances to be as removed as I felt, so unattached to the feelings, that was special, and still is.

I was smiling most of this time, at least inside. I think the corners of my mouth were turned up as she tugged and twisted and everything. I told myself that married life is inconsistent with what I want to do in the future.

At one point I had a negative feeling arise when I thought about the household life. Having all sorts of accumulations. All sorts of things in the house that make life comfortable and everything. I don't want that. I don't mean that I don't want comfort. What can I say? I don't want a lot of stuff. Either internally or externally, inside or outside. Lots of things on either side naturally makes for lots of things on the other side.

I've been doing this more and more, even with food but that's quite a bit more difficult! Bizarre!

I've got another appointment with this physical therapist on the 26th of this month. Wow. What's going to happen? But, I'm firm. No relationships for me thanks. Just not that interested in it all.

Enough. Troy.

Nobody minds that I categorized this as "Women" huh? I had many to choose from but none at all fit very well. None at all fit very well most of what I write.

HIYA!

Wow. Really? I can only say for sure that I'll probably go to Burma at the beginning of May. A monk has said he wants to go and has asked me if I'm interested. I told him I am. At first he said he'd go to northern Viet Nam. Then when I called to tell him I wanted to go he told me he'd go to Burma instead. Then he said he might go to northern Viet Nam also and maybe also to a place in the south of China. I told him that anywhere he goes I'm interested in going too. I have always thought of this guy as a solid and stable person but now I'm wondering if he's more wishy washy than I'd ever imagined. Who knows. If we do a month or more of walking together I'll know him better. I should know myself quite a bit better too! And another monk has said he wants to go too. This should be a good experience. If we do in fact go. The monk said we'd do some hithchiking and some walking. I'm more interested in the walking but hithchiking'd be another experience.

I'm now at a temple in BKK helping some people with some translation of Buddhist writings. The temple is Santi Asoke. Just about finished.

Just last night a good good friend - the guy who invited me to walk to China and Tibet - asked if I wanted to visit his home in Chiang Mai in a few days and stay for a few days. I told him I'm really interested. The work I'm doing now should be finished by the time he wants to go. My visa expires on the 15th of this month. It'll be an easy and convenient trip to the border for another stamp which'll put me in the country for another 30 days.

Then this morning some ladies I've been working in the same office with asked if I were interested in visiting an Asoke community that I've been wanting to visit for an awful long time now. If I go there I'll leave here on the 18th, 19th, or 20th, I guess. I don't know how long I'll stay there if I go. After that there's a big Asoke gathering for 7 days that I may or may not go to. After that the walk to Burma should happen.

I sent emails to some English camps last night. Got a reply from one that I've done a couple of times in the past. She didn't say that I'm hired but said she'd see if she can "squeeze" me in! Thanks! I was so surprised to have found so few English camps on the internet. Maybe it's just too far ahead for them to have posted their listings. I'll look around more if I don't get word soon that I've got this one camp that I've done already a couple of times.

Hoping you're all bright and cheery and that life is warm and sunny. Wow, is this a bit too much?! Okay, then how about this. I hope that everybody's life is just as you wish it to be. Better? No? How about this. Let go of everything and accept whatever is! Best.

Troy.

HIYA!
So, I did a breathing course called Art of Living. It is best to maintain awareness while doing the breathing exercises. I've always had such a hard time maintaing awareness. Actually, I don't even know the difference between concentration and awareness. Never mind, I'll just say awareness.

Anyway, I did the six day course and liked it. Really did. About three hours a day. It's a version of Hinduism, I'd say. And we had a bit of theory. I liked that part too. I like all this stuff about the reality of existence. Lots of the theory seems to me consistent with Buddhism, which makes sense that it would be.

They say you should do the exercises for at least 40 days after the course. Solid. Don't miss a day. Well, I did miss one day last week. But even today, when I thought about chucking it, I told myself that it's not a good idea to chuck it. Like the teacher said, she used to tell people, if you have to miss a day, well, then you have to miss a day. But then people'd miss a day here, and miss a day there. No, tell yourself that you'll not miss a single day. So, I have been really good about it. I've made time for myself in the morning. They say that if you do it straight for 40 days it'll become a part of you and if you miss a day you'll not feel right.

It takes about 25 or 30 minutes I guess. First I do some yoga-like exercises called the Five Tibetans, then I do the breathing exercises, then I do the sitting meditation. It all takes about an hour and 15 minutes.

This morning I felt really really good after doing the exercises. Really good. I sat there in meditation aware of the really good feeling in my chest area especially. Really nice. Better yet it lasted for quite a while. Though for sure the good feeling faded somewhat even before I finished sitting meditation, never mind, I still felt good a while after finishing. This is the very motivation I probably need to keep me going. There's been nothing that I can think of in my life that has made me feel like I want to continue doing it. Oh, jogging once made me feel really good afterwards. But I like this better.

I can join other people doing this once a week for a longer version of the breathing exercises. I went once.

Can't say that my awareness is any more solid for doing these breathing exercises but I do feel more relaxed when I realize that I've been daydreaming during meditation. That's a positive thing.

I actually feel a little uneasy about having learned this, about practicing it regularly, and especially about telling people I know - like you all - that I do these breathing exercises. It's because I've read where people criticise all these health fads, help-yourself this and that. I realize that I'm really sensitive to other people's opinions of me and what I do. I identify myself as someone who's doing one of these "health fads" then feel defensive because of the criticism. But when I'm aware, I tell myself that I'm being defensive, allow myself to feel this way, then let it go. Someday I suppose I won't feel defensive in the least.

I'm glad to do these breathing exercises as I believe breathing to my lungs' full capactiy is probably more useful to my health than even healthful eating.

Enough.

Troy.