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This is my last entry for this blog. I've recently started a diary on a raw food board that I'm a member of. I have been posting both there and here. It's too much of a burden. So please, if you're going to read what I'm writing, go to this link.

http://www.rawfoodsupport.com/index.php (hmmm.... Sorry it's not coming up as a live link. I don't know what to do about that.)

The main forum on the board is the one at the top where it says:
My diary is here:

"Raw Diary - Your Personal Experience".

Click the cursor on it. You'll see lots of people's diaries. Mine will probably be on the first page. But realize there are several pages of diaries. Look for:

"Raw at a Buddhist Temple in South Korea"

I'm not trying to convert anyone to raw foodism. I'm not trying to introduce it or familiarize anyone with any raw "flavor" of eating / living (any style of raw foodist life). I've been a member of the board for a while now, somewhat less than a year, and like the interaction with others on the board. And since I decided that there are things I wanted to share with them, I started up the diary. But maintaining two of these things is more than I care to do. And since I still want to share experiences and interact with others on the board, I've decided it's time to call it quits for this blog.

I'll post headings / titles in capital letters as the first line of each entry to my diary. So if something looks like it'll probably be "blatant raw foodist propoganda" you can always skip it. Each of my entries will have my name at the top, and a small picture of me (love that picture!) at the bottom (of each entry). If you don't care to read the entries of people who read and respond to my postings, skip them.

I only started up the diary a month or less ago and haven't made all that many entries in it. So if you decide to go back to the beginning, well, there isn't that much to go over.

I've got several more already typed up. I'll put them on the diary in a few days at most. I want to send this first.

The forum at the top {"Living and Raw Foods Discussion (Vegan)"}is where most of the action is. The most intersting posts are there and that's where I post most of the time.

I'll probably post at least part of this message on the diary too.

Lastly, I've made posts on several of the forums on the board. If you're family (and for some other reason interested in what I've written since I joined the group, you can always do a search for "troy".) It's a really neat board and I like it alot. But please, realize that I'm not trying to convert, introduce, or teach anyone anything. Of course, if someone does get something out of the board, great, just realize that really really isn't my intention.

Sorry, one more thing. If you feel inclined to post a message to the board, great. But, you have to be a member. If you still feel inclined to post but not to become a member, send me the message and I'll post it to the board. If you want to say that eating raw fruits and vegetables is great, but, that we should all start getting sensible and eat some real food TOO, fine. I'll post it for you.

Enough.

My first whole day at the temple. So far so good. Joined the group for meditation last night until 9:30. Then headed off to bed a little earlier than the others. Got to sleep at 10 and woke up at 7am! Nice. Got lots of good sleep. Felt okay upon awakening. But I've never consistently slept enough so it really wasn't enough.

At 7am this morning I woke up to the old lady pounding on my door. So I got up, had some water, then went in to the kitchen. I intended to not eat. But, well, me and food, and eating! I told the monk that I'd really rather eat mainly fruits and vegetables and that I was okay buying my own fruits. He said the temple has fruits.

We talked for a minute or two then the old lady came in the kitchen. The monk told me we have some pumpkin porridge! I've always loved the stuff so I said I'd have some. Had some kimchi too. The monk told the old lady to get me some fruit too. So she went into another room and came out with one apple! She cut it in half, peeled it and gave me half. That's so so nothing. I can eat so many apples in one sitting. Anyway, I got full. I wasn't even hungry but felt sort of obligated to eat. I haven't yet made it very clear what and how I would like to eat here. But in a little while the monk, myself, and a few others will discuss the curriculum. So I hope to tell him then. And I'll have someone tell the old lady.

I feel like I can really make a raw food diet work here. I feel positive about it. My past hasn't given much of a hint of this possibility, but, anyway, I feel positive about it this time.

We'll discuss the curriculum regarding English education. Apparently nobody has a clear idea of what to teach and how. These are kindergarteners. I have some ideas as I'm sure others do too. Should know more a little later.

One of the people who will come tonight works for the immigration office. Last Sunday, when my ex-boss came and talked with the monk and with my friend Sunmi, the monk said he'd talk with this immigration guy to make sure there wouldn't be any problem with me working there. This is illegal! Everything about my current arrangement is illegal. And if I thought someone from immigration might get word of this through this blog entry, I wouldn't write it!!

In Thailand, Asoke monks made a point of being honest, and I am sure, staying within the law. They may have broken the law on certain instances but if so, I'm sure they had a

... I wrote all that last night in the office at the temple. I turned off the computer after the monk called me to go talk. The guy from immigration had come so the three of us, plus Sunmi, made four.

I'm at the dentist office now and must go sit in the chair. I've just been called.

Yeah, so, just what is going on in this life anyway?

Divorced, lost more than one job, unstable with sleep and eating. Seems like such a disaster. So unstable and ungrounded. Not really happy yet not really so unhappy either.

Yeah, I don't want to sugar coat anything. It's not a good idea to avoid the truth.

I don't know really what to say. I don't know why I'm so unstable and ungrounded.

However, I don't worry about it either. Should I?! Sure I'm concerned about my life. I want to feel happy, solid, content with life. I'm not though. But lots and lots of people who are unhappy, not solid, and not content with life don't have the same history as I do.

I find answers in Buddhism. So many things make so much sense. I have to admit though that I don't get solutions from Buddhism. Having said this, I also admit that I don't really practice with the utmost sincerity and determination. Having said this (!) it does seem to me that with the sincerity and determination that I have brought to my practice (= my life) I should be getting better results than this. I have no intention of giving up Buddhism.

Looking back on the past, I see that there have been times when I've lived under someone else's rules and guidelines and been fine. I didn't have so much difficulty in the Navy doing what I was supposed to do. (I didn't do a good job on my job, but that's another story.) What I'm referring to is the lifestyle. The rules and everything. I was okay with it all. And there've been times when someone has told me to eat only this and that for this many days. When we've been in close proximity of each other, I've been fine for the most part.

I feel that what I need is regimentation from the outside. The Santi Asoke group gave plenty of this. Yet there was so much freedom. The regimentation from the Asoke group was more like guidelines. You choose to follow the guidelines. If you don't choose to, and you are too far out of step, then there are consequences. I was never that far out of step. But my eating and sleeping behaviors were not stable and solid. Not by a long shot.

I do feel that the temple here will be better for me. I also understand that if there isn't sufficient motivation, something that comes from the inside, then whatever ideal, perfect regimentation won't amount to a hill of refried beans.

I'll know more soon. Then I'll post another entry. Now it's time to do a bit of packing and make some food.

I'm not discouraged about my life. I see this move as a positive thing. Getting fired was ... well, it may have been nothing more than a measure taken by my boss to defuse the problem with that girl's mother. I should've have mentioned in the first of these three entries that the girl's mother pulled her out of this school, and her son too. She demanded a refund, which my boss has refused to give. And most worrisome to my boss is that she said she'd post negative things somewhere on the internet about me. That'd smear my boss' school, giving him a bad reputation. So, perhaps he sort of had to fire me in order to help placate this woman. He told me that at least one other student's mother has said that this sort of behavior is typical of this woman.

I'm not taking this one incident so hard. All things considered though, of course I see a pattern, a "rut" in my life that is certainly a concern. I am not worried though. Not worried.

I believe that everyone can thrive in life. I haven't found my niche. I haven't found my place in the sun. Maybe I never will. Maybe I'll jump from this to that and all over "looking". I don't have any interest in getting a regular job. And in so far as history is an indication of the future, then a regular job isn't going to do me any good any way.

Counselling? May very well help. But in addition to psychiatrists, don't we also pretty much consider counsellors to be shrinks? If so, is this generally justified or not? In general, do counsellors really do many of their patients any good? I'm more interested in having a Buddhist as a counsellor.

Allright, enough. Now it's time to get on with other things.
Troy.

Allright, now the happy news. I'm glad about this anyway.

After talking with my boss, I went online to look for work. Then it occured to me that the temple has a kindergarten and that the monk once asked me to teach there in the mornings. I told him I couldn't because the contract I signed with my boss prohibits working for other people.

So I talked with my friend Sunmi that evening. She asked a lady who works at the temple. That lady asked the head monk. The head monk said okay, he's interested in hiring me.

So this past Sunday evening the monk, my boss, Sunmi, and I sat and talked. I will probably start Monday the 9th.

Teaching little kindergarteners. There are 90 kids. I might teach elementary school kids and some adults too. I don't know what times of day or anything.

The day starts at 9am and goes until 3pm. I don't know how many hours I'll teach or what hours. We've got some talking to do. There's no big rush on anyone's part to get organized.

My boss has been super helpful, cooperative, and understanding. I don't know if he's angry with me or not. He hasn't said he is, doesn't express it in any way. On the contrary, he expresses frustration with kids' parents. Saying this about them and that about them and how hard they make it to run a school. I haven't asked if he's angry with me or not. If I did, and he were to answer, I can imagine him telling the truth, but I can also imagine him lying about it. So I don't ask. It's not so important anyway. We're on good terms at least superficially.

The situation at the temple will be much different than at the school. At the school, I'm on my own with kids who very often don't listen to me, who understand what I say to varying degrees (pretty often many of them don't understand much), and, the great majority of them would never come to "study" if their parents didn't tell them to. I've asked many and it's always the same. Even with the kids who seem to have some interest, their parents tell them to come so they come. They wouldn't otherwise come.

At the temple, the Korean teachers will be there in the classroom. So they'll keep some semblance of order! Plus I've met many of the kids already and we've taken to each other pretty well. Not in a classroom setting but I don't expect a lot of difficulty either.

I don't speak that much Korean and I suppose most or all the teachers speak little or no English. No worries. Nobody who works at the temple seems to speak much English. I study Korean though and will study more when I'm there. Plus such immersion is the fastest way to learn. And Sunmi speaks great English and goes to the temple often. So I don't expect a lot of difficulty with communication.

I'll get less money for sure, but I'll also spend less money. I'll save less than I have been saving but I'm not so concerned about this. I will be able to meet my savings goal. Easily.

I don't yet know the details of my daily life. Regarding sleeping and food. Those are the two things that I'm thinking about most. I'll meditate every evening for two hours, joining the group that "sits" (does sitting meditation) from 8pm to 10pm. I want to do yoga at least a few times a week. I want to work in the garden. I want to study Korean for various reasons. I want to have a better understanding of Korean Zen (or Seon in the Korean language).

My two reasons for coming to Korea are to make money and to learn Seon. This is ideal. I can do both. Okay, this is not ideal. There's no enlightened monk here who speaks English.

Enough. One more entry in a minute to reflect on life in general and my life in particular.

Troy.

HIYA!

I've been thinking for a while now that educating children is like hammering a block into a round hole. Bam bam bam, pound, smash, bang, bang, bang. Violent, in a way.

I can understand why it "needs" to be this way, but it sure seems incredibly unfortunate. Seems there is enormous diversity among children (and of course adults). So to try to squeeze everyone into any one way of understanding, thinking, speaking, and acting seems harsh and severe. You see the effects in classrooms. Some kids enjoy the lessons, other hate them. Most are sort of in the middle, conforming to the concept of "Bell Curves".

I know there are other ways and I'd sure like to work with something, and of course, get better results than what I'm currently getting. My students are enjoying lessons a bit more than before, but I don't feel they're learning more. They enjoy the games, card games and bingo mainly. They're are a couple of games that I've dreamed up that are big hits but I only use them with the littler kids.

What I want is some way to get kids interested. That may mean to give them something they themselves decide they want to learn, or, I don't know. My boss says we can change the curriculum at the end of the year so I don't want to try to make lots of changes just now. I'm reading about learning and making small changes but I don't want to do anything major until the end of the year. I don't have lots of time between classes so lengthy planning for each class is impractical. I do of planning for several classes before I start my first class of the day, but I don't usually prepare for the later classes of the day. Time. I don't want to go in so early to really extensively prepare. So, a book that kids like would be great. And various other materials.

I've been teaching some card games but without the betting. We've played Go Fish, a game that I made up, and most recently, Black Jack. Kids love these games. I want to give them new ones so we can learn new language.

Had a speech contest today at the local Ramada Hotel. 50 or so kids from 7 schools got together at the five-star hotel for a few hours. A Canadian guy and I were the judges. Had a pretty good time and the kids from my school were generally pretty good. I get along pretty well with most kids. Especially since I introduced more games, more when I started the card games, then most recently when I started giving the kids "noogie" (I learned from Saturday Night Live years and years ago), which is knuckle taps on their heads, just for fun. They love it.

The curriculum and the books I'm supposed to use are way inappropriate. Apparently the situation at my school is typical in Korea.

Troy.