Apr 2007

A few introductory things first. The name of the temple is Won Myeong Seon Won. The head monk’s name is Tae Hye Sunim (sunim is Korean for monk). The friend here that I have the most contact with is a woman named Sunmi. She knows a ton of English. And my ex-boss’ name is Mr. Mun. So, from here on out I’ll refer to these people and the temple by name.

I moved in Saturday afternoon, April 7th. A lady who works at the temple, Cha Bee-heng and Sunmi picked me and my things up at my old apartment in the temple vehicle. Didn’t take long to settle in. A few hours the next morning was all it took.

I’ve got a small room. Cleaning didn’t take long either. This is the same room I used when I stayed here for two days in December during a fast. It was cleaned before I moved it then and it didn’t get very dirty in between then and now. There’s plenty of space to put away my things. I don’t have an awful lot anyway. Books, clothes, food and kitchen things, and a bunch of miscellaneous things.

There is one window in the room and it faces west so I don’t get any sun until the afternoon. It’s 4pm now and if it weren’t overcast the sun would be shining right on me. I can see it through the haze. The room is about 3 meters x 4 meters I guess, or about 3 yards x 4 yards. Rough guesses. I’ll see if I can take a few pictures and put them up so you can take a look.

There’s a boiler (heater I guess we say in the US. Koreans call it a boiler) just outside the door to my room. It’s on now because it’s chilly outside so the room would be even colder if the boiler weren’t on. It’s heated with water, not oil. It warms the floor directly and so the air gets warm from the warm air rising. I don’t turn the heat up very high so it’s actually a bit chilly inside too. With the boiler on it can be a little bit annoying. The silence when it turns off, as it just did a moment ago, is really pleasing. Everyone knows how your shoulders and tension just drop when the refrigerator or the A/C turns off. Same thing. Wonderful! I keep it on during the night because I was told it’s okay. I don’t pay for utilities here so I am glad for that. If I did, I’d want to be a bit more frugal with the boiler. But, really, this room is on the cold side even with the boiler on much of the time.

Sunmi said that Cha Bee-heng had talked about putting up some wallpaper. I said no there’s no reason at all for that. I can understand though why she might have wanted to. The paper on the cement walls is white. Not like “wallpaper” that I know of in the US. This is thin stuff, and it’s coming off in many places. Nothing attractive about these walls at all. But it doesn’t matter.

There are two cabinets mostly full of bedding. But there’s enough empty space and then some for my things.

The temple is in a quiet location so even though my room is a few seconds walk from the road, there’s not much noise from traffic. There’s no telephone line so I don’t have an internet connection.

Enough for this entry, huh?
Troy.

In Thailand, Asoke monks made a point of being honest, and I am sure, staying within the law. They may have broken the law on certain instances but if so, I'm sure they had a good reason. Koreans monks, perhaps, are less strict about honesty than Asoke monks. Asoke people, and monks and nuns in particular are pretty strict with rules and things though.

So, at the meeting last night, I was asked to stay on until the end of the school term, and as long after the first term as I can. I asked when the end of the term is and the monk said it ends in February. I said I'd stay. I told him the main reason I want to go home, to be closer to aging parents. He understands. He said he'd quit the English program after I leave. I told him that I don't think it'd be hard to find someone to continue after me. I told him I'd be happy to find someone. So we'll see if he asks me to find someone. So, it looks like I'll be here until February next year.

Sorry to extend my stay here. I really really had intended to be home for the holidays. But I understand the monk's situation. And I thought, "Well, just a few more months won't be that much longer before I can get home to family." So, again, I apologize for delaying my return, but I didn't want to say no. Plus I see this as a really good opportunity to learn Seon and to make some more money.

The thought of another winter here isn't a warming one by any means! But winters here are probably warmer here than in the S.F. Bay Area!

Went to look for some teaching material today. Borrowed a few books (!) from a book store, at my ex-boss' guarantee (Thank you Mr. Mun). Took them back to the temple. Looked them over with a teacher and my friend Sunmi. We won't use them. So tomorrow I'll return them. We'll use some other books that some company brought over for us to use. They'll be good.

There was a teacher's meeting a little while ago. I won't start tomorrow. One teacher wants to start the English program next Monday. So tomorrow, I'll return the books and go to the dentist again. Yeah, this is another blog entry I could write. My dentist visits!

Well, I guess that's enough for now. It's about time to get into the main hall for a some chanting and some meditation.

The chanting and the wooden knocker thing are another blog entry. Someday. I've got my laptop hooked up in the office right now. I bring it in here when I want to use the internet. So I expect to have frequent internet access.

I welcome any comments. Especially from anyone who doesn't dare call! I hope to get my Skype connection working again soon. Real soon.

Love,
Troy.

My first whole day at the temple. So far so good. Joined the group for meditation last night until 9:30. Then headed off to bed a little earlier than the others. Got to sleep at 10 and woke up at 7am! Nice. Got lots of good sleep. Felt okay upon awakening. But I've never consistently slept enough so it really wasn't enough.

At 7am this morning I woke up to the old lady pounding on my door. So I got up, had some water, then went in to the kitchen. I intended to not eat. But, well, me and food, and eating! I told the monk that I'd really rather eat mainly fruits and vegetables and that I was okay buying my own fruits. He said the temple has fruits.

We talked for a minute or two then the old lady came in the kitchen. The monk told me we have some pumpkin porridge! I've always loved the stuff so I said I'd have some. Had some kimchi too. The monk told the old lady to get me some fruit too. So she went into another room and came out with one apple! She cut it in half, peeled it and gave me half. That's so so nothing. I can eat so many apples in one sitting. Anyway, I got full. I wasn't even hungry but felt sort of obligated to eat. I haven't yet made it very clear what and how I would like to eat here. But in a little while the monk, myself, and a few others will discuss the curriculum. So I hope to tell him then. And I'll have someone tell the old lady.

I feel like I can really make a raw food diet work here. I feel positive about it. My past hasn't given much of a hint of this possibility, but, anyway, I feel positive about it this time.

We'll discuss the curriculum regarding English education. Apparently nobody has a clear idea of what to teach and how. These are kindergarteners. I have some ideas as I'm sure others do too. Should know more a little later.

One of the people who will come tonight works for the immigration office. Last Sunday, when my ex-boss came and talked with the monk and with my friend Sunmi, the monk said he'd talk with this immigration guy to make sure there wouldn't be any problem with me working there. This is illegal! Everything about my current arrangement is illegal. And if I thought someone from immigration might get word of this through this blog entry, I wouldn't write it!!

In Thailand, Asoke monks made a point of being honest, and I am sure, staying within the law. They may have broken the law on certain instances but if so, I'm sure they had a

... I wrote all that last night in the office at the temple. I turned off the computer after the monk called me to go talk. The guy from immigration had come so the three of us, plus Sunmi, made four.

I'm at the dentist office now and must go sit in the chair. I've just been called.

Yeah, so, just what is going on in this life anyway?

Divorced, lost more than one job, unstable with sleep and eating. Seems like such a disaster. So unstable and ungrounded. Not really happy yet not really so unhappy either.

Yeah, I don't want to sugar coat anything. It's not a good idea to avoid the truth.

I don't know really what to say. I don't know why I'm so unstable and ungrounded.

However, I don't worry about it either. Should I?! Sure I'm concerned about my life. I want to feel happy, solid, content with life. I'm not though. But lots and lots of people who are unhappy, not solid, and not content with life don't have the same history as I do.

I find answers in Buddhism. So many things make so much sense. I have to admit though that I don't get solutions from Buddhism. Having said this, I also admit that I don't really practice with the utmost sincerity and determination. Having said this (!) it does seem to me that with the sincerity and determination that I have brought to my practice (= my life) I should be getting better results than this. I have no intention of giving up Buddhism.

Looking back on the past, I see that there have been times when I've lived under someone else's rules and guidelines and been fine. I didn't have so much difficulty in the Navy doing what I was supposed to do. (I didn't do a good job on my job, but that's another story.) What I'm referring to is the lifestyle. The rules and everything. I was okay with it all. And there've been times when someone has told me to eat only this and that for this many days. When we've been in close proximity of each other, I've been fine for the most part.

I feel that what I need is regimentation from the outside. The Santi Asoke group gave plenty of this. Yet there was so much freedom. The regimentation from the Asoke group was more like guidelines. You choose to follow the guidelines. If you don't choose to, and you are too far out of step, then there are consequences. I was never that far out of step. But my eating and sleeping behaviors were not stable and solid. Not by a long shot.

I do feel that the temple here will be better for me. I also understand that if there isn't sufficient motivation, something that comes from the inside, then whatever ideal, perfect regimentation won't amount to a hill of refried beans.

I'll know more soon. Then I'll post another entry. Now it's time to do a bit of packing and make some food.

I'm not discouraged about my life. I see this move as a positive thing. Getting fired was ... well, it may have been nothing more than a measure taken by my boss to defuse the problem with that girl's mother. I should've have mentioned in the first of these three entries that the girl's mother pulled her out of this school, and her son too. She demanded a refund, which my boss has refused to give. And most worrisome to my boss is that she said she'd post negative things somewhere on the internet about me. That'd smear my boss' school, giving him a bad reputation. So, perhaps he sort of had to fire me in order to help placate this woman. He told me that at least one other student's mother has said that this sort of behavior is typical of this woman.

I'm not taking this one incident so hard. All things considered though, of course I see a pattern, a "rut" in my life that is certainly a concern. I am not worried though. Not worried.

I believe that everyone can thrive in life. I haven't found my niche. I haven't found my place in the sun. Maybe I never will. Maybe I'll jump from this to that and all over "looking". I don't have any interest in getting a regular job. And in so far as history is an indication of the future, then a regular job isn't going to do me any good any way.

Counselling? May very well help. But in addition to psychiatrists, don't we also pretty much consider counsellors to be shrinks? If so, is this generally justified or not? In general, do counsellors really do many of their patients any good? I'm more interested in having a Buddhist as a counsellor.

Allright, enough. Now it's time to get on with other things.
Troy.

Allright, now the happy news. I'm glad about this anyway.

After talking with my boss, I went online to look for work. Then it occured to me that the temple has a kindergarten and that the monk once asked me to teach there in the mornings. I told him I couldn't because the contract I signed with my boss prohibits working for other people.

So I talked with my friend Sunmi that evening. She asked a lady who works at the temple. That lady asked the head monk. The head monk said okay, he's interested in hiring me.

So this past Sunday evening the monk, my boss, Sunmi, and I sat and talked. I will probably start Monday the 9th.

Teaching little kindergarteners. There are 90 kids. I might teach elementary school kids and some adults too. I don't know what times of day or anything.

The day starts at 9am and goes until 3pm. I don't know how many hours I'll teach or what hours. We've got some talking to do. There's no big rush on anyone's part to get organized.

My boss has been super helpful, cooperative, and understanding. I don't know if he's angry with me or not. He hasn't said he is, doesn't express it in any way. On the contrary, he expresses frustration with kids' parents. Saying this about them and that about them and how hard they make it to run a school. I haven't asked if he's angry with me or not. If I did, and he were to answer, I can imagine him telling the truth, but I can also imagine him lying about it. So I don't ask. It's not so important anyway. We're on good terms at least superficially.

The situation at the temple will be much different than at the school. At the school, I'm on my own with kids who very often don't listen to me, who understand what I say to varying degrees (pretty often many of them don't understand much), and, the great majority of them would never come to "study" if their parents didn't tell them to. I've asked many and it's always the same. Even with the kids who seem to have some interest, their parents tell them to come so they come. They wouldn't otherwise come.

At the temple, the Korean teachers will be there in the classroom. So they'll keep some semblance of order! Plus I've met many of the kids already and we've taken to each other pretty well. Not in a classroom setting but I don't expect a lot of difficulty either.

I don't speak that much Korean and I suppose most or all the teachers speak little or no English. No worries. Nobody who works at the temple seems to speak much English. I study Korean though and will study more when I'm there. Plus such immersion is the fastest way to learn. And Sunmi speaks great English and goes to the temple often. So I don't expect a lot of difficulty with communication.

I'll get less money for sure, but I'll also spend less money. I'll save less than I have been saving but I'm not so concerned about this. I will be able to meet my savings goal. Easily.

I don't yet know the details of my daily life. Regarding sleeping and food. Those are the two things that I'm thinking about most. I'll meditate every evening for two hours, joining the group that "sits" (does sitting meditation) from 8pm to 10pm. I want to do yoga at least a few times a week. I want to work in the garden. I want to study Korean for various reasons. I want to have a better understanding of Korean Zen (or Seon in the Korean language).

My two reasons for coming to Korea are to make money and to learn Seon. This is ideal. I can do both. Okay, this is not ideal. There's no enlightened monk here who speaks English.

Enough. One more entry in a minute to reflect on life in general and my life in particular.

Troy.