meditating at the temple

HIYA!

I haven't written anything for quite a long time. So I've got some things to say. I've been busy.

I still go to the temple. But just today I decided that I'll slack off the temple. I've been sitting at least 3 times a week, more often five or six days a week for nearly six months now. I see no benefit. In fact, I've been meditating on and off for many years now but have never felt any benefit from it.

Just a couple of hours ago, I talked with my friend at the temple, Sunmi about my meditation practice. She told me, as she has told me before, that she thinks I haven't been meditating seriously. She's right. I don't feel the spark. I feel that meditation is really important but just don't feel the burning desire to get into it.

I have not joined the evening ceremonies for a long time. I don't know when they have them until I get to the temple and hear the sounds of the ceremony. Every time I get close to the temple and hear the sound, I feel relief that I'm not going to go! Considering that I feel this way, and have felt this way for a while now, I'll stop meditating at the temple at least for now. I may sit at home for a few minutes. We'll see. Honestly I don't feel the desire to sit. I do have conviction that meditation is important, but apparently it's not strong enough to yank me in.

I'm still happy to go on Sundays and socialize a little. Be with the group. I always feel good when I'm there, and when I'm with those people.