A Notable Experience

HIYA!
I could call it a neat experience. It was. On April 16th I saw a physical therapist in front of the Santi Asoke temple in Bangkok. At first I just went in for a consultation regarding a couple of things. Turns out she's (she's a she) fairly attractive, I guess a bit younger than me, and likes to touch, it seems. As she explained things to me she kept hitting me gently on my arm, as if to emphasize a point.

She told me to come back later for an extended consultation because she had patients waiting. A consultation turned into some treatment. I've had some pain in my neck for some months now and would like to take care of this before I start walking. Plus a couple of other things.

Anyway, she pushed, twisted, tugged, pushed, and pulled. Like a chiropractor I guess but she insisted that she's not a chiropractor. She's a physical therapist. Oh.

The notable thing for me was the feelings that arose in me when this lady was doing all this work on me. No, that's normal. The notable, the interesting thing for me was my internal reactions and responses to all this. I noticed that I really enjoyed being pushed and twisted and everything by this lady. I mean, I enjoyed the sexual feelings that arose. I am pretty darned certain she felt something too judging from our banter back and forth. She said once or twice that she really enjoyed talking with me and I told her the same.

Most enjoyable for me was that I was completely okay with telling myself most of the time - between brief sexual fantasies - that this is not right for me. I didn't reject the feelings that arose but I just looked at them and felt them. Observed them. Okay, thatwas the neat part. Like watching a movie or something. Detached from it all yet not at all detached. It was me yet I was watching myself. And under these circumstances to be as removed as I felt, so unattached to the feelings, that was special, and still is.

I was smiling most of this time, at least inside. I think the corners of my mouth were turned up as she tugged and twisted and everything. I told myself that married life is inconsistent with what I want to do in the future.

At one point I had a negative feeling arise when I thought about the household life. Having all sorts of accumulations. All sorts of things in the house that make life comfortable and everything. I don't want that. I don't mean that I don't want comfort. What can I say? I don't want a lot of stuff. Either internally or externally, inside or outside. Lots of things on either side naturally makes for lots of things on the other side.

I've been doing this more and more, even with food but that's quite a bit more difficult! Bizarre!

I've got another appointment with this physical therapist on the 26th of this month. Wow. What's going to happen? But, I'm firm. No relationships for me thanks. Just not that interested in it all.

Enough. Troy.

Nobody minds that I categorized this as "Women" huh? I had many to choose from but none at all fit very well. None at all fit very well most of what I write.